Up, Up, and Away!

Tired of sitting in traffic on the Friday night drive up to cottage country? Bored with the same old all inclusive vacations?

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Looking for something a little more private?

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A littleΒ  more exotic?

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Maybe something out of this world?

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Orion Span has you covered.

For a mere $9.5 million U.S. you can enjoy a 12 day vacation at their luxuryΒ space station hotel.

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Want to float in zero gravity, fly over your home town, see 16 sunrises and sunsets in one day?

No problem. Cough up the $80,000 down payment to reserve you place and in 2021 the Aurora Station will welcome you to your new home away from home. (Single occupancy, space launch included.)

Bon Voyage πŸ™‚

Aimer at Amazon

 

 

 

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Wouldn’t Happen to a Guy

Last summer. Sun in the sky, top down on the car, a friend I hadn’t seen in far too long sitting in the passenger seat. A perfect dayΒ β€”

Random warning light on the dashboard. Dead car. Mystery message staring up at me from behind the steering wheel. Words, not icons. Even I knew that wasn’t good.

“No Key in Vehicle.”

What???

I’d been driving for half an hour, what do you mean, there’s no key in the car?

Frantic search, my bag, the seats, the floor, the glove compartment, the armrest β€” no key.

The rep at the car dealership was incredibly helpful, “Yeah, that’s weird.”

CAA couldn’t get my car on the tow truck. They searched YouTube, dug under the gear shift, opened the trunk, closed trunk.

My friend leaned into me, “I think I saw something.”

Yep. The key was in the trunk.

Apparently, I’d been driving around for days with the key in the trunk instead of in my bag. Who knew?

The car drove just fine until I took a roundabout. The key banged about inside the trunk, slid out of sensor range β€” warning light, mystery message, car that refused to go anywhere.

Naturally, I felt like the world’s biggest moron, but in my own defense neither the guy at the car dealership nor the one who showed up with the tow truck figured it out either. I mean, my car told me there was No Key in Vehicle. You’d think she’d know.

On the way home that night, it occurred to me β€” This would never have happened to a guy.

Why?

Because guys have pockets.

 

They have pockets in everything, their pants, their shirts, their jackets. They have exterior pockets and interior pockets.

Sure, men can cart around a backpack, a computer case, a cute little leather clutch, but β€” their keys are in their pocket.

Not in the trunk of the car.

Aimer at Amazon

Google Nights

It was a joke.

On my way between the covers last night, I told our Google Home Assistant to turn off the bedroom lamp. Which, of course, she did.

Google’s still a she at our place because the option to choose a male voice isn’t available in Canada yet. As soon as it is, I’m switching that sucker to he. Ideally, a he with a non-Canadian accent.

How amazing would that be? A deep voice with a sexy accent reminding me that I had a 2 P.M. dentist appointment β€” I might even keep the appointment πŸ™‚

Where was I?

Right, last night.

Lamp goes off, I snuggle into my pillow and on a whim I said, “Okay, Google. Goodnight.”

and Holy Crap!

Google said, “Good Night, Aimer.”

I cracked up laughing and then, of course, I had to do it again because β€” this piece of silver mesh and plastic was talking to me.

Sci-fi writers have been publishing books about humans falling for their robots for years now β€” I’m thinking dress Google up, slap an accent on him …

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His name is Nigel πŸ™‚

Aimer at Amazon

 

 

 

 

 

My Superhero: Jessica Jones

Supergirl, Batwoman, Wonder Woman; all good, but Jessica Jones beats the crap out of all of them.

Do you see her running around in some lame-ass version of a bathing suit? Please. She wears jeans and a leather jacket. You know, like a normal person. No cleavage necessary.

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Does she chase down miscreants wearing boots with heels high enough to sprain an ankle? Yeah, no.

Does she need a pair of pretty gold bracelets to access her super power? Nope. Her main accessory is a bottle of liquor.

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Her super power is strength. The woman is a wrecking ball, sending the bad guys flying like bowling pins.

What’s not to like, right?

She faces her demons, cares about her friends, and never gives up.

Jessica Jones, she’s my hero πŸ™‚

Aimer at Amazon

 

Techno Tsuris

I grew up in the dark ages, the BCT era (before colour television). I learned to write cursive with state of the art equipment β€” a long, black Harry Potter wand with a nib and an ink bottle.

And now … I have a smart phone, a tablet, a Kindle and two laptops. The 15″ laptop is a bit of a home body, but the 12″ likes to get out and about. She fits into the “personal item” Air Canada kindly allows me to bring on board.

I have all these things, but β€” am I any good with them? Not so much. I can’t even get Google Home to play the radio station I want. She has this nasty habit of saying she can’t find it. Mind you, I shouldn’t complain, today she found my Google Play music library and I have no idea how.

It’s not that I don’t like these toys, I do. I like not having to carry a camera or a book, buying coffee without taking out my wallet, never having to ask for directions. I love snapping a picture and magic β€” the cheques my allergic to electronic banking friend insists on writing appear in my account. Nice.

I’m a big fan of electronic everything because one of my goals in life is to never have to talk to a human being, like ever πŸ™‚ Sorry, wandered off topic there.

Right, Techno Tsuris. It’s a recurring illness caused by faulty tech. Presents with a lot of slamming things around and muttering under your breath. Cure: new tech.

I recently suffered through a rather bad attack.Β  Three hours on chat lines and phone lines with customer service reps at Amazon only to be told what I already knew. The 3G on my Kindle doesn’t work.

Feeling much better now. Amazon is sending a new Kindle πŸ™‚

(Tsuris:Β  Yiddish for troubles, woes, worries, and aggravation.)

Aimer at Amazon

Optics

It’s all about how it looks. Ask any photographer, fashion designer, or politician β€” optics count. If it looks good, it is good.

Proverbs like, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” or “Beauty is only skin deep.” warn us against the habit of equating the superficial with the beneficial.

And, of course, the eye does deceive.

Frankly, I’m counting on it.

Because this …

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Mysterious crater cake is what came out of the oven.

But this …

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Pretty sprinkled thing is what’s going on the dessert table.

Optical illusion?

I don’t know. How does it look?Β  πŸ™‚

Aimer at Amazon

Can’t Blame Netflix

I have a wee, tiny bit of a problem with self-discipline.
or…
I have an extraordinary talent for procrastination.

Anyway you say it, and FYI I’m going with door #2 here, I’m not as productive as I should be.

How does Nike put it? Just Do It!Β Great slogan, but… um… how?

I read a little nugget of wisdom that went, “If you want to reach your goals, get out of bed.” Woah. Perfect, right? Clear, simple, practical…excellent wake up call. (Sorry, couldn’t resist.)

I set my alarm. The getting up, exercise, shower and dress part went pretty well. Somehow though, between the breakfast table and my laptop I ended up watching Netflix. β€” Fail.

I found a second pearl of wisdom that was particularly clever. “Stop watching TV.” Right, simple. No problem.

I moved my laptop upstairs to the guest bedroom, closed the door. Quiet, private, no TV, no distractions … uh, yeah, about that …

The bedroom has a window … and the sun was shining … and my phone was right there.

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And since I was snapping pictures anyway …

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Yeah. β€” Fail.

Easily distracted, there’s a cure for that, right?Β  πŸ™‚

Aimer at Amazon

Land of Weird: Episode 2

No, I don’t want to know what new stupidity Donald has tweeted. No, thanks, you can fill me in on North Korea later. I just want to go home, pour some bubbles in the bath, and wish the world away for a while.

We’ve all been there, long day, bad day, too many people, too many of the wrong people saying all the wrong things. Home is our refuge, our sanctuary, our safe place β€” or not.

Last Sunday, a Kingston, Ontario woman got home at 6:15 PM to find a strange woman in her bathtub. A strange naked woman in her bathtub β€” no water, no towel. A strange naked woman who stayed in her tub until the police showed up.

This naked intruder story has nothing in common with the naked kidnapping story in Episode 1 … pardon? Well, yeah, the naked part.

Strange that or maybe not. We Canadians spend half the year bundled up. Maybe we need a little naked. You know, for summer days, and sleazy strip joints, and yes, the occasional crime.

What can I say? … Land of Weird πŸ™‚