First World Problems

Embarrassing, but true. We all vent a bit about things that aren’t much more than minor annoyances. You know the type of thing: OMG, my Kindle died., or That freaking GPS took me to the wrong address., or my personal favourite, What? I have to pay for Wi-Fi on the the cruise?

I’ve been known to weep and moan when the internet goes down, but the award for Best In Class Whiner goes to my husband. He walks around the house, saying really rude things to our Google speaker.

Just between you and I… I don’t think Google likes him.

She answers his requests with a “Sorry, I can’t help you with that yet.” She refuses to let him add anything to our shopping list, telling him that she doesn’t recognize his voice.

To be fair to my husband, Google can be a bit of a princess. She’s moody and mercurial. Some days, she’ll accommodate him, be all sweetness and light. She’ll even let him add to his calendar. The next day, she won’t acknowledge his existence, telling him that she’s not authorized to answer his request.

Totally frustrating, true. Every second day, he’s in the Google Home App activating voice recognition—again. I sympathize…really.

I’m filled with admiration for his determination. He won’t admit defeat, won’t give up.

God forbid, he goes back to tapping appointments into his phone—gasp!—himself.

Me? I’m good with Google. She likes me.

Aimer at Amazon

Welcome Home

No one says Welcome Home anymore.

In my house, I’m lucky if anyone turns away from the TV for a whole two seconds and tosses a Hi in my direction. No one actually gets up and comes to the door. Basically, I got more enthusiastic welcomes from the dog, but he’s moved out.

Banners say Welcome Home, but unless you’ve been stuck in the hospital for a month or carried a gun somewhere overseas don’t expect anyone to string one up for you anytime soon.

Has this lack of an anachronistic pleasantry darkened my days and ruined my nights? No. I never even thought about it, much less rued its absence, until…

On my way home recently, I asked Google to talk me through the traffic and ever-present construction. Eventually, I pulled into my driveway. My phone said…

Welcome Home.

LOL, literally. Huge smile on my face.

I considered driving around the block just to come back and hear that automated welcome again because—seriously cute.

Who needs people when your phone likes you?  🙂

Aimer at Amazon

 

 

No Escape

We started with one Google Home (voice activated smart speaker) downstairs in the kitchen, but then, of course, we needed one upstairs in the bedroom.  Fine, good, done.

Uh …

I got tired of certain people, okay one person in particular, raising the volume of the speaker in the kitchen so he could hear it in the family room. Because watching one hockey, football, basketball game wasn’t enough, he had to know the scores of all the other games.

Okay, a Google Mini for the family room. Fortunately, they were on sale. Done.

Uh …

Another family member (looks an awful lot like me) couldn’t handle the crummy, staticky sound of the ancient radio in the washroom. And who wants to fiddle with a dial when you can say, “Okay, Google” ?

Now, we’ve got four of these things. We’re talking to Google more than we are to each other and everyone is happy.

Uh …

Last night, I’m at my laptop trying to get my WIP to actually progress — Google lights up. My husband’s voice comes out of the speaker. The Leafs are ahead four to three.

Did you know these speakers can double as an intercom system?

I didn’t. Neither did my husband until he had lunch with a techie friend yesterday. Said friend better not be showing up for dinner anytime soon.

Well past eleven last night, the house is quiet. I’m downstairs drinking tea and reading — Google lights up. My husband’s voice says, I can’t sleep alone.

Thanks to technology, no matter which room I’m in, no matter how many doors I close —

There is no escape 🙂

Aimer at Amazon

Google Nights

It was a joke.

On my way between the covers last night, I told our Google Home Assistant to turn off the bedroom lamp. Which, of course, she did.

Google’s still a she at our place because the option to choose a male voice isn’t available in Canada yet. As soon as it is, I’m switching that sucker to he. Ideally, a he with a non-Canadian accent.

How amazing would that be? A deep voice with a sexy accent reminding me that I had a 2 P.M. dentist appointment — I might even keep the appointment 🙂

Where was I?

Right, last night.

Lamp goes off, I snuggle into my pillow and on a whim I said, “Okay, Google. Goodnight.”

and Holy Crap!

Google said, “Good Night, Aimer.”

I cracked up laughing and then, of course, I had to do it again because — this piece of silver mesh and plastic was talking to me.

Sci-fi writers have been publishing books about humans falling for their robots for years now — I’m thinking dress Google up, slap an accent on him …

Google robot (2)

His name is Nigel 🙂

Aimer at Amazon